ALT-CTRL-DELETE

Last May, I started this blog with the intent to get my life together.

The whole purpose was to take an assessment of what I've done and who I am. The goal was to have a life that I can lead and look up and feel good about. That was why I started this.

After I lost my job in May last year, I never posted again. What transpired over the course of the next 10 months was me getting a job and going back to the drudge. Nothing really changed, just the location.

Things now have changed and I think it's time to reconsider this long forgotten blog.

Over the course of the last week I've laid waste to my entire world.
Relationship of 5 years. Gone.
Home with all of it's amenities. Gone.
Money. Going to a car so I have a place to start.

All I have left are the friends I've accrued over the years, a semi-popular webcomic that amuses me frequently, and a collection of places to stay until I can find a place of my own.

To fufill our dreams and find our destinies, it seems that one way of doing that would be to start at the beginning. A hard reset. It's not the easiest thing in this life to do, and it is probably very horrible for your stomach and state of well being (basing that solely on the amount of Tums I've gone through the past few weeks), but that doesn't change the fact that here I sit on the precipice of nothing with a forest of mountains to climb. At the top, I hope I'll find not only myself, but the dreams I've abdicated for so long.

For all the cliche in the world, I have to believe that today is the first day of the rest of my life. It's a lot better than thinking that this is the first day of the end of it.

The Inevitable...

The goal of this entire experience is to discuss and commiserate with those out there that have had huge goals, but are stuck in middle management. People who have the want to stand at the pinnacle, yet get caught up trying to find a team for climbing the mountain.

My job has ended.

I mentioned it earlier how I thought this was going to happen, but I was shocked when it was so quickly. Thursday I get the message that my job will be terminating on Friday. Friday I pack up my stuff. That simple.

So now this journal is exactly where it should be. I can't say I'm thrilled that I am able to start my story from the very bottom of the mountain, but hell, it makes for a much sweeter climb.

Over the last week I have used contacts and people I know to try and gain some head up in a company. Even if it is an entry level position that pays the same amount I was making before, it's still money coming in to support.

I have three weeks before the money runs out. That's two weeks pay and one check from the government for paying in all those taxes.

I feel like Jack Bauer sometimes, without all of the guns.

The Journey Of A Thousand Stumbles...

Before I can run headfirst into trying to find a career that I love, I first need to be stable. I've grown used to really nice things. I have a WII, two chinchillas, a darling fiancee', and a 'new gizmo' fetish that needs to be fufilled. Not to mention, if I'm going to continue to promote the webcomic, I'm going to need money so that I can go to conventions and pay for webhosting and all of that
jazz.

As I mentioned in my first post, my business life isn't doing fantastically. It's quite poor at the moment due to a numerous amount of factors. I've been given not a direct firing, but a very distinct mention that it might be time to start looking for new employment. More as a 'just in case' precaution, but if I was to leave, it would be on good terms.

So for the last few days I've started passing around the good ol' fashioned resume, in the hopes to land myself another desk job that will keep me in jelly beans and quarters so I can hopefully find out what I truly want to do. My hope is that within the next two weeks I will be on my way to starting a new job path (not to be confused with career path, which is what this blog is about) that will keep me satisfied until the time that I can put all my efforts into my dreams.

I'm a realist in that I like to enjoy myself on weekends. I like to go out and see movies. Take Danielle to a movie. Enjoy my daily Dunkin Donuts. Eat. Dreams are wonderful, and I wouldn't be the person I am if I had none, but there is a certain amount of reality that needs to be there in the form of money.

GOAL ONE: Have a steady job so that I can continue searching for my goals.

(Footnote: I've recognized now, in my silliness that it seems 'fulfilled' is one of those words that I will forever misspell. That's unfortunate given the name of this blog. I'm not going to fight to try and spell it correctly - I'll just come up with my own definition for 'fufilled' in my own time...)

I'm A Toys R Us Kid...

When you were little, people asked you all the time 'what do you want to be when you grow up' and my first answer that I can remember was that I wanted to create video games. I was in love with my Commedore 64, then my Nintendo, etc.

Even to this day, I think the idea of coming up with interactive fiction is a great idea. I do, however, suffer from an inability to program. I've tried programming before.. C.. VB++.. I can't. There is a strange line between my brain and my fingers that can't formulate how to get from idea to goal. I believe it's the same reason I don't know how to speak spanish, even though I work in one of the most densely populated hispanic parts of New Jersey.

Here though, is a list of things that I've considered being before. Stupid or not, I'm putting them down. There are a few obvious patterns...
- Video Game Creator
- Comic Book Writer
- Voice Actor (Specifically pertaining to games & cartoons)
- Novel Writer (Specifically fantasy or erotica)
- Freelance Writer
- Graphic Artist
- Web Designer
- Stand-Up Comedian
- Game Show Host
- Professional Wrestling Commentator or Announcer
- Actor
- Self-Employed Internet Webcomic Superstar

There are admitted patterns here that do come directly from my positive qualities. I speak well. I am witty. I have (potentially) good ideas. I love to talk. I love to create.

Reasonably, the ones in bold are the ones that I believe I will have the best possible chance at succeeding at. They are the ones that I'll be focussing on. If new ones come up, or if out of nowhere I find the perfect video game writer job, I'm not going to hesitate to dive on it.

Now What...
That's what I want to know. I'm going to have to concoct plans to move these ideas further. Just posting them isn't enough.

I guess that's what I'll start doing in my next post.

The First Post Of The Unfufilled

My name is James Hatton, and I'm an unfufilled person.

I'm fairly certain that a hefty percentage of people reading this can think that very thought to themselves. Just insert your name, say it, and see if it rings true.

Kinda sucks, doesn't it?

I've decided that since many of us live unfufilling lives doing jobs we hate to pay the bills we make to add a little bit of happiness to the world we have - I'm going to fight against the flow.

It's easy to do that and say it. Everyone says they are going to break out of their mold and succeed. This blog is representative of my attempts, successes and failures at doing so.

First, a little bit about me....
As much for the reader as it is the writer, I'm going to give myself a little bio here so you know whom you are talking to.

My name is James Hatton, I'm a 28 year old male born and raised in New Jersey. I am the 4th of 5 kids. I was raised, quite honestly, by television, video games, and pop culture. I can't do calculus, but for no reason I can sing the theme song to hundreds of 90's sitcoms.

I am also the creator and maintainer of a webcomic, In His Likeness. As we get to the lifegoals section of this, you'll see that IHL is one of the things that keeps me sane and happy, and might be one of the feet in the door that helps me reach this personal fufillment I'm looking for.

What I do...
I work for a small commercial mortgage company in Northern New Jersey. The job is fairly low maintenance, pays quite well, and takes me four hours of commute time every day. This entire blog and idea to grow began because this job has stopped being fufilling in any single way, and might not last forever. Business isn't the best, and where I haven't been told I'm being laid off, the groundwork has been set for it to happen any week.

If this job fails, I can get another desk job. I've been working deskjobs since I was 18, so I won't be without money, but the stress of that situation coupled with a want to grow has forced me to make active steps towards change.

How are you going to change....
This very blog is going to be my roadmap as to what I've done. My checklist to things I need to do. If I go on an interview, I'll post it here. If I get right into something that makes me happy, I'll discuss it here. The idea is to use this website as a catalyst for change in me. If it makes for good reading on top of that, excellent.

The next post is going to be about a question that's haunted me for years, and in the last week it has attacked me with mortal dread...

What do you want to be when you grow up...